hard words

I've gotten far more snotty comments for being thinner than I ever got for being fat.

Friends have insulted me to my face. I constantly see comments/pins/quotes/passive-aggressive-comments being passed around the internet about how "real women" are curvy/fat/voluptuous/not thin.

And the comments about working out? Even worse. There is currently a Jennifer Lawrence quote making it's rounds around the internet about how she wants to punch people who enjoy working out in the face. "Oh ha ha ha! Yes, punching people who work out is awesome!!!"

I post about working out and five of my friends on FB make passive aggressive posts about how people who work out are dumb/annoying/stupid. But posting pics of food or boozing gets nothing but "likes".

I hear a lot of talk about how hard it is to be fat. But that wasn't my experience. I never got treated as badly being fat as I do being not-fat.

And it's not what I witness happening on an average day. I see nothing but support for being fat....and I feel like I have to hide the fact that I take care of myself in a way that is not popular with most of society.

What I have learned over the past year is that the majority of other women don't consider me a "real" woman. And that my lifestyle choice is considered less valid than most other peoples. And that while posting endless pics of drunken escapades is ok, there is a limit to posts about work outs that most people find acceptable.

You think that getting healthy and being more comfortable in your body will make a lot of things easier, but the one thing I've found is that it makes it a lot harder to fit in. Most of the time, I feel like an outcast. I almost always feel like I can't share the things that are important to me because most people make it abundantly clear how much they disapprove of my life.

I kind of hate it. But what can I do?

For now, I just live my life in my tiny bubble and keep plodding along. I don't really know if there will ever be a balance......